life of lucas

Hey, I haven't written in this journal for a long time and I decided to just post a little update.

I hope everyone is doing alright and living your lives to the fullest.

I'm currently stuck in a school>work>ffxi loop and I'm so unhappy with my life at the moment. The asian girl I had been seeing for 2 months, full knowing that she had a boyfriend of over 2 years, ignited a dramabomb of epic proportions and I'm at a loss of words. It all started when she, out of the blue and after having been friends for a little over a year, started paying more attention to me. She suggested one day that we should go back to my place and watch a movie... fooling around ensued. A few days later I found out that things were going sour between the girl and her boyfriend, and from talking to her girlfriends I jumped to the conclusion that she was just using me as a stand-up boyfriend for the time being and that they would get back together at a later time. I mean, christ, I'm the perfect subject for that (get easily attached, can be charming for up to 24h, etc), and I fell for it 100%. I decided to stand up to her, tell her how I felt and just break off things with her. And so I did.

I just didn't suspect she'd go to my friends and tell them I sexually harrassed her when we were at my place.

Over the past two weeks they severed all contact. No texting, no inviting out to parties, no nothing. Needless to say I don't have strong ties to my friends, and they're more or less just there for when I'm going out to town to party, but it still hurts and I feel kinda lonely.

I'm just tending a cold at home right now, and I don't know what to do afterwards. I'm not at my wits end and I know I can get through this, I just don't know how.

So this is what I've been up to since the last update.



<.< BRD75/WHM37.

I went to see The Da Vinci Code on friday - late showing, started at about 11PM.

I fell asleep 20 minutes into the movie and my friends woke me up as they were leaving. It's a good thing there wasn't anybody else, I hate bothering people.

Worst ten bucks spent, ever.

Sej is a bad influence to me. :(

Today was a marvelous day.

As I awoke from my slumber, my brother came unto me, and these were
his words:
"Lucas, you shall obsequiate me with your dearest Final Fantasies
and role-playing games." And so, I said unto him "Alex, the games
you are searching are on the shelf in the corner of my room. Enjoy
them as you may, and take them all but one," I paused "you shall
never touch Final Fantasy X-2, as it is the seed of the devil and
the route to damnation for mankind. Dear brother, mark my words."
"Be as it may, brother. I will listen to your warning and adhere
to it," he said "but no fault will lie in me if I should stray
from your request and be tainted by these gifts."
And so I said to him, "Should you be tainted, dear brother,
I shall take care of your remains."
"Thank you," he said "and goodbye."
"See you again, young apprentice" were all the words I muttered
before he dissappeared off into the hallway.

New forum: http://pillows.dk

Please tell your friends about it & join. :D

Cheers.

I'm eighteen.

S e j a r k i (11:42:21): While waiting eagerly for the next episode of Naruto to reach the internet, I told myself that if i didn't check every day, that time would go by faster. That was me waiting for episode 10, now 11 is out, wtf.
S e j a r k i (11:42:29): I suppose my tactic worked.

DevineSongstress (22:00:15): *Pushes Ura agianst a wall and kisses him agian* You're really cute, you know that?

keikun MX (21:45:48): http://www.tubgirl.com
H1gh W1nd (21:45:59): AAAAH!
H1gh W1nd (21:46:08): METALLY SCARRED FOR LIFE!
H1gh W1nd (21:46:17): That was disturbing...
H1gh W1nd (21:46:26): Ura, DO NOT do that again...
H1gh W1nd (21:46:31): *shivers*

xql0wz (21:56:07): Did you have to look up puberty, too? XD
keikun MX (21:56:26): ^_^; I'm not wholely stupid.
xql0wz (21:56:37): Of course you aren't.

keikun MX (1:35:57): PS2 = überfun?
EnigmaticSage (1:36:05): lol, I dunno
keikun MX (1:36:09): ?
EnigmaticSage (1:36:13): I don't get to try it out till Christmas

uZiEL8 888 (23:39:58): do you think Soho has mad GFX skillz?
keikun MX (23:40:05): nope.

keikun MX (14:39:27): No one talks to me.
Brute Locke (14:39:50): thats horrible
keikun MX (14:40:08): It's not that bad
keikun MX (14:40:33): I'm used to it.
keikun MX (14:40:49): I think it's only Sej and DS that do.




Goddamn... sometimes I wish I could go back. There are so many people I would like to talk to again. Good times.

So my friends Varin and Belmere from Elisius decided to help me out with getting my Rank 3 and then I had some fun training ALL OF GHELSBA OUTPOST after. XD So fun~

I'm currently WHM28. Not too long to go. :D

SurfJunky pays you .45$ an hour to have you browser open, viewing ads. It does not install any malware, spyware or adware, nor does it come with any viruses. In fact, you don't even need to install - you simply can't. You just open the website, click on "Earn money" and, uh, earn money. You get paid by PayPal, e-gold or Stormpay on the 15th of every month. I have a friend who got his money paid out just fine last month. It's nifty.

Plus, you earn money for refferals. :)

Please try it out, it's not a scam or anything. 100% legit.

My refferer: http://www.surfjunky.com/?r=urashima (using me as refferer helps me out)

Other than that, WHM18/RDM9, bitches. One more level and I'm off to Qufim. すごいですよね？＾＾

Ah, the wonders of looking for party in the Valkurm Dunes.

すばらしですよね？

Long time no picture.

Oh, and happy new years.

I've been playing Kingdom Hearts 2. It's really nice. I wish it was in English or, at the very least, that someone had begun to translate parts of the game. Oh well. It's really as import-friendly as it can be. I mean, it's just about the most fluid action RPG I have ever played. So much better than the first.

Anyways, I'm on vacation until the 4th or 5th. I forgot. But this means that you should talk to me when I am online SEJARKI. <3

Oh yeah. And a shout-out to Scott. Man, if you read this, your recent doodles have been super. I love the stuff you draw on your pants, it's sexy. Keep it up.

Plus, merry christmas to you all. It's probably a bit late. But better late than never, eh?

So I just had a major talk with my mom for the first time in a long, long while - with her being away at the hospital with her eye cancer and what not. I hurt her quite a bit by voicing my recent thoughts, like that I don't feel like a part of the family, that I could just as well have been adopted and that I was angry that my more-than-wealthy father would not spend a few hundred bucks to have his son spend christmas with him in Spain. I really don't know what to make of it. I really feel like shit whenever we finish our talks because I feel like I have let her in on more than she should know, as if my thoughts were top secret. Well, she started crying and told me it was really hard on her that I was so distant all the time. I guess I should really work on that.

On a lighter note, though:

"So what with Louise? How are you two?"
"I broke up with her."
"Really? How come?"
"I don't know. I guess I just enjoy chasing the girls, but when it comes to relationships she's the one who's going to have to chase me."

Lately I have been thinking about going back to Spain to live with my dad. I don't really know why, I just feel the need to do something with my life, instead of throwing every single day away, studying. If I were to go down south I could probably work under my dad, since he's a painter and has mentioned that he is always looking for 16-17 year olds with no experience to teach them from the ground up. If I did that, though, I'm pretty sure my mom will be pretty sad and/or dissappointed. She's always been the type of person who thinks that studies are the most important and that you will not get anywhere without studying. Right now I just really want... money. I guess it sounds pretty stupid, but I really want to have money. I want to work my ass off, earn money and buy things. Right now I'm subsiding off a little more than $100 per month... so I don't even have enough money for a pair of jeans.

I really also wouldn't want to cut off the social ties I worked my ass off to get during the last three years, even though I get the impression my 'friends' think I am a fucking retard. People don't give a shit about my opinion, and I'm only good for a cheap laugh now and then. I don't know if you get me, but this fucking pisses me off. I'm a talker. I like talking about EVERYTHING, and it really sucks when your opinion doesn't count for jack shit just because.

</rant>

Phew. How's everybody doing? What's the 411?

Life's passing through pretty uneventful, or so it seems to me. I started working out a month ago, and I feel better about myself. I feel like I have more energy left for all those other things, like hanging out with friends and working and stuff. Oh, and girls like me now for some reason.

And here's my grade report for no apparent reason:

Danish (written/oral) - 7/7
Spanish (oral) - 10
English (written/oral) - 10/10
Math (written/oral) - 8/9

Those grades go on a scale from 03 to 13 (03, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13). Bonus points if anyone can figure out why there's a zero in front of the three in the 03 score.

And thus end 3 days of japanese popular culture at Denmark's anime/manga convention, J-Popcon. I've seen so many great people, but for the life of me I haven't been able to really meet anybody and really talk to them, so tomorrow I go back to the real world feeling empty and hoping that an anime-watching, manga-reading and japan-discussing buddy will pop out from nowhere.

Yeah, it's highly unlikely.

God. I make no sense.

"I believe that everybody's got a party person inside waiting to rock out. Having a good time at parties has as much to do with cultivated skill as it does with any sort of knack.

There is a lot of good advice about how to engage yourself, how to engage other people, and how to be actively social. If it helps, you can think of finding connections and commonalities between you and other partygoers as an exercise in creativity. Be conversant on a number of interesting, all-inclusive and shallow topics. Astrology is always a good bet, since everybody's heard of it and probably has an opinion about it one way or the other.

With practice, you'll develop your social style and grow into your confidence. You'll wake up one day and realize that you're a confident person and you know how to enjoy yourself. While you're waiting for that to happen, do not under any circumstances be bitter, petty, vindictive, rash, harsh or spiteful; and try to curb any tendencies toward cynicism and sarcasm.

Contrary to what some reclusive geeks might tell you about their obviously ineffective social strategies, it is not fair under any circumstances to expect everybody else to "get the joke." Demanding that someone "get it" is basically demanding that they make assumptions about you before they even know you. What would that say about how you treat others, if that's the baseline standard for your own social behavior? It's just a pitfall you'll want to avoid.

However, it should be noted that none of us will ever fit in and have a good time at every single party. I've known plenty of people who I've liked as people, but their parties were fucking scary. Any number of people have felt the same about my parties. It's okay. Just keep reaching out and you'll start meeting people with whom you jive.

You'll cultivate a network of acquaintances and associates who are all enjoyable company, even if you never actually become friends, and this is perfectly normal. When you're asking a guy what brand his scuffed up workboots are, or complimenting a young lady on her posture, or some other random chit-chat, it's not expected that you're going to remember any of that in five minutes. What you're actually doing is feeling each other out, determining how far this relationship is going to go, and in what direction.

Once you get used to this concept, you'll be able to feel out a party in no time. You'll know who will and who won't make or maintain eye contact, or who is likely to say something nice or something scathing, or what-have-you. Go with your gut feeling about the people you meet, and then practice smiling at them as you walk by. You don't need to greet each other and interact with every passing, but acknowledgement is key. Be memorable without being demanding and you will foster their confidence as well as yours.

People remember us less for who we are than for how they feel when they are around us. Remember this.

How people feel around us is heavily influenced by how we feel about ourselves. In social settings, people intentionally become vulnerable and suggestible in order to get to know each other, and they will accommodate each other. If you act as though you want me to look down on you, or ignore you, then I will be naturally inclined to do so, because you are telling me that that's what you want. If you are the one to take the initiative and be confident enough in yourself to spread the joie de vivre, it'll catch on and people will feel good about themselves.

Or they'll feel deeply conflicted between their routine and comfortable self-loathing and their need for positive human interaction which is suddenly rising up their spine like the snake of the Kundalini, but that's hardly your problem.

Just go have fun, dude."

That's pretty interesting. Next time I have a weekend off I'll probably try to go party with some friends and see if I can follow this.

I'm starting to feel like I'm fading out of this internet business to much broader horizons. I turned my computer off on Sunday and I've only really had it turned on because I absolutely had to write something for school, and I just couldn't stand the noise the fans made. I guess I'm starting to get annoyed by computers. I don't want to use them at school either, and I actually feel more like taking notes by hand instead of bringing the laptop.

Oh well. This is pretty boring, I guess. I feel like I don't have more than a few acquintances that came from the web, and that most of the time I spent doing stuff these past years was wasted. I don't think I'm worth any while... like a currency without value. I can't see what anyone would want from me.

And the most weird of all is that I really don't feel down or negative. These past days have been the best of my recent life.

Weird.

I just finished reading Ichigo 100%. It's so depressing, and I hate romantic manga (romanga?) ending like that. :(